The beginning

The Beginning 

As I attended my Acting 1 class for the first time today, I felt inclined to cry. I am not prepared to be an actor in any way. I cannot memorize easily, I am not as expressive and thought-provoking as I imagined myself to be and I am more scared for this class than any other class. In my previous theater class, I had gotten to know these people for years. I am comfortable with them and they are comfortable with me. Although the class was an artistic class, there were few times where I truly felt vulnerable or had to for an assignment. There were also zero times I had to memorize something that was not a musical piece, which is more my specialty. Those are my two greatest fears within Theater. Being ultimately myself, being vulnerable and afraid and simply showing the innocent child in me; and, having to memorize something straight. I think that those are the fears of many within theater, and any form of art. On my first day, those are the two things that I was already called to prepare. It made me internally emotional and hysterical as we were sitting there and talking about what was expected of us. I am scared for that class and what is to come. Scared enough that after class, the first thing I did was get some tea to calm me down (a suggested stress-reliever).
As we were asked to choose our first monologue out of our own lives, my mind wandered to the glorious things I have experienced and the expansive things I have been through, both trying and simple, searching for one that was very true to me; one that also was not too revealing, too vulnerable. I still have yet to choose what that monologue will be, but it has indeed got me thinking and understanding about what this class is to be and what will be expected of my soul to do. It will be difficult and I am very nervous and afraid of how I will do, but I know it will make me grow more than anything else and I cannot wait to grow my better self.
Once I do choose a monologue from my personal life, written by myself, I will post it.