Death by Communication
(Okay, quickly first- I apologize for my post making being so stagnant. Seriously, it has been hectic. From finishing my first year of college to moving back home to falling in love to spilling acetone all over my keyboard so that it sometimes doesn't work- life is nuts! Now to continue to this post:)
This feeling and opinion I am about to share with you is quite unpopular and probably covers 1% of the population of humans on this earth.
I hate being forced to communicate through any sort of medium other than air. I find that I am much better at life and at people and at everything in person, rather than not. For some reason, when I am put on the spot, asked a question, any question, even indirectly, right then and there, my answers and thoughts are more pure and honest and real and me. But that's not what people want. That's not what they want. Whether it's an insistent friend, an impossible situation, or a difficult distance, I absolutely hate being forced to communicate not in person. I realize that other means of communication are often necessary and usually more efficient, and I use them, nonetheless. Ultimately, I think when in-person is not possible or logical, that calling the other person is exponentially better than anything else. But it still causes me to feel trapped and weak and uncontrolled and rushed and frazzled every time I must communicate through a device. I feel as though I am in a small, constrictive box, and I have no freedom to move, to breathe, to think, to decide. I absolutely lose my mind when I have to text, message, write, call, or email someone to respond. No one knows this. People don't know that when they force me, explicitly or not, to communicate with them not in physical means that they are killing me. Only a little bit; I die more and more every day. I yearn, so passionately, so deeply, for physical, personal interaction. Eliza needs it to survive. I often feel as though people give the minimum amount they can give me of themselves and of their time. But I need them. I need them all so much. But this-this isn't simply for my mental and emotional well-being. I want to see and feel you. I want to exist in your unique presence. I want to feel your energy, your aura- who you are and how you are. You are a vibe. I need your vibe. I need to see your body language- your mouth, your lips, the tilting of your head, your eyes, spilling your soul, speaking clearly to me. I need these things to know you- to understand you. To feel the weight of your importance. I need these things to love you. And Eliza needs to love you.
This feeling and opinion I am about to share with you is quite unpopular and probably covers 1% of the population of humans on this earth.
I hate being forced to communicate through any sort of medium other than air. I find that I am much better at life and at people and at everything in person, rather than not. For some reason, when I am put on the spot, asked a question, any question, even indirectly, right then and there, my answers and thoughts are more pure and honest and real and me. But that's not what people want. That's not what they want. Whether it's an insistent friend, an impossible situation, or a difficult distance, I absolutely hate being forced to communicate not in person. I realize that other means of communication are often necessary and usually more efficient, and I use them, nonetheless. Ultimately, I think when in-person is not possible or logical, that calling the other person is exponentially better than anything else. But it still causes me to feel trapped and weak and uncontrolled and rushed and frazzled every time I must communicate through a device. I feel as though I am in a small, constrictive box, and I have no freedom to move, to breathe, to think, to decide. I absolutely lose my mind when I have to text, message, write, call, or email someone to respond. No one knows this. People don't know that when they force me, explicitly or not, to communicate with them not in physical means that they are killing me. Only a little bit; I die more and more every day. I yearn, so passionately, so deeply, for physical, personal interaction. Eliza needs it to survive. I often feel as though people give the minimum amount they can give me of themselves and of their time. But I need them. I need them all so much. But this-this isn't simply for my mental and emotional well-being. I want to see and feel you. I want to exist in your unique presence. I want to feel your energy, your aura- who you are and how you are. You are a vibe. I need your vibe. I need to see your body language- your mouth, your lips, the tilting of your head, your eyes, spilling your soul, speaking clearly to me. I need these things to know you- to understand you. To feel the weight of your importance. I need these things to love you. And Eliza needs to love you.
Comments
Post a Comment