Scattered thoughts and failing 100%
Hi hi hello. My thoughts are somewhat scattered tonight as I am feeling some odd, unusual something or another but I truly enjoy writing and putting my thoughts on here and it calms my flustered self.
Before I get to some evaluation of my, once again, first monologue performance, I want to share a few of my scattered thoughts with you.
Let's quickly start with an absolutely gorgeous wedding reception that I was completely honored to attend. I just want to touch on how beautiful people are. These two humans that got married were some of the most beautiful I had ever been able to come in contact with. I am so lucky I got to know them last year through school, just a touch. What really makes the world a beautiful place is not just the truly beautiful and kind people in it but when those people have the courage to give that to others or put it out in the world somewhere. This couple that got married do just that. They make you feel loved and wanted and they use their talents and passions to create, donating pieces of themselves to the universe. Remember to love and find those ones- for they will give you light and life.
Now, to my Acting 2 class and all the thoughts that it brought back to float in the surface of my mind.
First, a flashback to the past. I want to say thank you. Last year, I was truly lucky to have a fantastic, loving Acting 1 class, and an absolutely brilliant, caring, and inspiring teacher. I am continually brought back to that class and all the things that it taught me to think, feel, and understand. I was lucky to be truly taught by mentors and loved ones, and they things that they taught me were so, indescribably priceless. Thank you thank you.
Now, we are almost there! Before getting into the details of my performance, I want to talk about the comparisons that I noticed this year to last year when I first performed in my Acting 1 class. As I was reading back to some of my earliest posts, I was so terrified to perform! Now, although I know that most of that was because college was new and I didn't know these people and I hadn't had to memorize a monologue in what felt like forever, my fears were still uncalmed. Now, jumping forward to this year. Although I was still a bit nervous, I would not say that I was terrified. Yes, I did now know these people and was used to doing this, but what really calmed my fears was the fact that I was here learn- to screw up, forget my lines, feel nervous, put myself out there, and potentially fail miserably.
I did not fail miserably, no. Did I feel like I failed? To some degree, yes. Both because one, failing is truly necessary if I want to do better next time, and two, because it really was not all that good. It was simple and all of my technique went out the window the moment I started a word of my monologue (an unfortunately, common thing). But hey, that is why I exist, why I am here. To fail 100% and to learn. I continually have to remind myself "I am here to learn." And if someone calls me out on something, I say, hey, I know I screwed up but I am here to learn and be better next time.
Although I have always had that mindset, I have to give some credit to someone who I consider a very dear friend who's life motto is "fail 100%." On any notes, emails, texts, etc that they've written to me, somewhere in there is that phrase. And that is so inspirational to me because, really, what would I do and where would I be if I didn't ever fall flat on my face and fail 100%?
I now know and am reminding myself daily,both in a general sense as far as the world is concerned, and in a specific sense to my classes and life, to go out failing 100% and remember that everything is a learning experience. We are here to learn and to fail. Think on that for a bit.
Before I get to some evaluation of my, once again, first monologue performance, I want to share a few of my scattered thoughts with you.
Let's quickly start with an absolutely gorgeous wedding reception that I was completely honored to attend. I just want to touch on how beautiful people are. These two humans that got married were some of the most beautiful I had ever been able to come in contact with. I am so lucky I got to know them last year through school, just a touch. What really makes the world a beautiful place is not just the truly beautiful and kind people in it but when those people have the courage to give that to others or put it out in the world somewhere. This couple that got married do just that. They make you feel loved and wanted and they use their talents and passions to create, donating pieces of themselves to the universe. Remember to love and find those ones- for they will give you light and life.
Now, to my Acting 2 class and all the thoughts that it brought back to float in the surface of my mind.
First, a flashback to the past. I want to say thank you. Last year, I was truly lucky to have a fantastic, loving Acting 1 class, and an absolutely brilliant, caring, and inspiring teacher. I am continually brought back to that class and all the things that it taught me to think, feel, and understand. I was lucky to be truly taught by mentors and loved ones, and they things that they taught me were so, indescribably priceless. Thank you thank you.
Now, we are almost there! Before getting into the details of my performance, I want to talk about the comparisons that I noticed this year to last year when I first performed in my Acting 1 class. As I was reading back to some of my earliest posts, I was so terrified to perform! Now, although I know that most of that was because college was new and I didn't know these people and I hadn't had to memorize a monologue in what felt like forever, my fears were still uncalmed. Now, jumping forward to this year. Although I was still a bit nervous, I would not say that I was terrified. Yes, I did now know these people and was used to doing this, but what really calmed my fears was the fact that I was here learn- to screw up, forget my lines, feel nervous, put myself out there, and potentially fail miserably.
I did not fail miserably, no. Did I feel like I failed? To some degree, yes. Both because one, failing is truly necessary if I want to do better next time, and two, because it really was not all that good. It was simple and all of my technique went out the window the moment I started a word of my monologue (an unfortunately, common thing). But hey, that is why I exist, why I am here. To fail 100% and to learn. I continually have to remind myself "I am here to learn." And if someone calls me out on something, I say, hey, I know I screwed up but I am here to learn and be better next time.
Although I have always had that mindset, I have to give some credit to someone who I consider a very dear friend who's life motto is "fail 100%." On any notes, emails, texts, etc that they've written to me, somewhere in there is that phrase. And that is so inspirational to me because, really, what would I do and where would I be if I didn't ever fall flat on my face and fail 100%?
I now know and am reminding myself daily,both in a general sense as far as the world is concerned, and in a specific sense to my classes and life, to go out failing 100% and remember that everything is a learning experience. We are here to learn and to fail. Think on that for a bit.
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