I Am

I am sorry
I am pain. That knowledge impedes my every thought and stabs at each fearless facade.
I am loud because I am small. Because I am used to no one listening. Because I have been told by those I love most that they "tune me out." Because I have been told by those I love most "Oh, I'm sorry are you talking to me?"
"No, I'm just talking" my mouth replies.
My mouth replies more often than I should allow it because it always, selfishly, has some story to tell or opinion to share
and I cannot keep it chained up by the leash of pain for very long before it runs loose and yaps to the world about the spiders in my mind and the lump in my throat
and I am sorry
Something is tearing, screaming, pleading for life to not have to work this way but that collar will never stop growing tighter yet I will still never stop speaking what I really think.
Feel the reverberating sounds of the earth's language of love and wallow in it's sobriety with me.
I am sorry I care so much.
I want to express everything to you-- all of the mellow thoughts in solitude and the violent bouts of physical pain brought on when my heart seems to collapse in on itself.
I've found your familiar soul, firmly, and you are family to me- in my eyes, that is, not yours. I will love you forever, and you will try and love me the best you know how for as long and you can sit still, staring.
Someone pities you, there is no doubt about it. Some watch in sympathy, others nervously laugh in disgust, unsure of themselves. Like a destructive thought that rips through every piece of light in you I will end up shattering you.
It is inconvenient, I know
and I am sorry.
I just love you a little too much
And I am sorry that every time I breathe my eyes sting with apology and my chest aches with the burden of imperfections.
I am sorry that I cause you pain-
That I am more complex than the fumbling words of our hearts, yet simpler than the concepts they hold.
That I am as sure of you as I am of the art splattered on the ceiling of my mind, yet as unsure of you as I am about the meaning of its vibrating colors.
I have never run faster from anything than the thoughts of my own mind and I love you.

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