6 Months, I'm getting married, and life is hard

Wow. It's been 6 months since I've posted on my blog. To say I've been busy would be an understatement. A couple points I want to hit in on this post are (in order)...

1. Life Updates
2. The challenges and blessings of a relationship
3. Mental illness 

Let's begin with life updates; there are MANY so I will try to keep this as short as humanly possible. The last time I wrote was September 5th last year so we will go chronologically from there. (Hint: there is going to a lot of "boy" talk and for good reason)

• SEPT
• I was thoroughly enjoying my junior year studying Musical Theatre at SUU
• I was still working at the Utah Shakespeare Festival (if you want to see some good theatre...)
• I was still working in Non-Traditional Student Services at SUU
• I was working in Student Government, SUUSA, at SUU
• I was in rehearsals for an INCREDIBLE musical, Sondheim's Assassins (AND I had a huuuuuuge crush on this boy in my cast--this will soon be relevant)
• I was still enjoying and going to counseling at CAPS
• OCT
• School was going well
• Still rehearsing every day (and crushing harder and harder on this boy)
• Told this boy I liked him a lot
• and had my first real real kiss with said boy^^
• The Cedar City temple house opened
• NOV
• Opened our show, Assassins
• Same boy as mentioned (accidentally? This is still unclear.) friend-zoned me and I was very sad
• Boy finally told me that he liked me after I kept asking
• Boy and I started dating less than 24hrs later
• Thanksgiving! I went home and told my entire family that I had a boyfriend (which has never happened before) and they were all very excited
• DEC
• Boy and I decide we want to get married (end of May, y'all!)
• I had a hard time catching up in school before the semester and was very stressed
• The Cedar City temple was dedicated! 
• Boy and I (we will now call him Taylor) went to my parent's house for a weekend and asked my dad for my hand
• School finished for the semester and winter break began!
• Taylor and I both spent time at our parents for a bit and then with each other--winter break was a blast and Christmas is my FAVORITE thing ever ever ever
• JAN

• New Year's Day at 00:00 Taylor and I announced our engagement
• I began work at a new job (one at which I am currently right this very moment working a grave) in a residential living unit for disabled adults
• Spring semester began! And boy was it going to be hard
• Taylor and I bought a car (so that we could take a trip to St. George to buy my ring)
• ...and we bought my ring (but I didn't wear it yet)
• ...and with that new/ish car we had a billion car troubles (we really like off-roading)
• Taylor's show (The Drowsy Chaperone) opened 
• 
  
• FEB
• My family came down and met Taylor's family, and we had a family and fun -filled weekend of visiting, temple trips, adults lunch, Tay's show, ice cream, etc
• We CONTINUED to have car troubles
• We had an adventurous first Valentine's Day getting stuck in the mountains and me having a total breakdown
• Taylor (officially) PROPOSED with a cute video that took him months to put together 
• AND his ring came in the mail the SAME DAY so we both put on our rings
• I started working real shifts at my new job
• Taylor started rehearsal for ANOTHER show, Harvey, in which he is the lead!
• MAR
• School was very stressful and life was difficult
• Taylor and I were happy but learning
• I quit my job of two years in Non-Traditional Student Services
• Spring Break rolled around (hallelujah!)
• Taylor and I, once again, had car troubles (though minor)
• We got our tax refund and bought a lot of wedding stuff
• I had my bridal shower and bachelorette party all in one day and it was flipping EPIC
• I get back from spring break and had auditions and callbacks for SUU's fall season of shows
• I was cast in the fall musical Fun Home as a lead and a role I dream of playing!
• LDS General Conference began
• APR (here we are)
• Easter! And General Conference, and me working A LOT

So that's it, that is your fill of my entire life the past 6 months! Lots going on and very exciting.

(gonna keep it short here)

Now, about relationships. One, they are flipping rough. They can be really hard, truly, like everyone says. Two, BUT they are magical. I know that we are made in, as people, to be with other people, especially in such an intimate and romantic relationship as having a S.O. and getting married. I know that I, specifically me personally, has NEEDED so badly PEOPLE in my life! And now I am lucky to have one that is as constant in my own life as I am! Just thinking about that is incredible and makes me so happy and grateful.

Okay I am bored so I'm just going hit the last bullet point and then go away and come back another day (hopefully not 6 months later):

Even the biggest, strongest, smartest, kindest, most incredible people have an awful lot of shi* going on in their life. Even the people that seem confident and living the dream are not necessarily. 

I have been struggling very much lately (and in some aspects of my entire life) with some killer anxiety and depression. I can't move or breathe or think or speak or feel or live sometimes because of it. And it's really hard on me and it's hard on Taylor and it's hard on those around me who usually have no idea what I am going through. So just be kind. And ask, if you feel so inclined.

That's all for now.