Posts

6 Months, I'm getting married, and life is hard

Image
Wow. It's been 6 months since I've posted on my blog. To say I've been busy would be an understatement. A couple points I want to hit in on this post are (in order)... Life Updates The challenges and blessings of a relationship Mental illness  Let's begin with life updates; there are MANY so I will try to keep this as short as humanly possible. The last time I wrote was September 5th last year so we will go chronologically from there. (Hint: there is going to a lot of "boy" talk and for good reason) SEPT I was thoroughly enjoying my junior year studying Musical Theatre at SUU I was still working at the Utah Shakespeare Festival (if you want to see some good theatre...) I was still working in Non-Traditional Student Services at SUU I was working in Student Government, SUUSA, at SUU I was in rehearsals for an INCREDIBLE musical, Sondheim's Assassins  (AND I had a huuuuuuge crush on this boy in my cast--this will soon be relevant) I was stil...
Post a Comment
Read more

Feel

Before I get into the ooey gooey stuff that I've been thinking about, let me talk about starting my third year of college!  I am taking four classses and a lab. (Plus a few other random credits.) Two classes toward my major and two classes toward my minor. Abnormal Psychology and Criminal Investigations are my favorite classes. Abnormal Psych in particular. (If you haven't read the Rosenhan article on Being Sane in Insane Place s, give it a read when you have a chance. It is a piece of literature I believe every human should read, discuss, and study.) Also I want to talk really quick about therapy. I don't keep it a secret that I go to counseling every other week. I believe everyone should, if only to learn and understand things about oneself and life. I have been blessed with a fantastic resource here at SUU called CAPS with very compassionate therapists. I have learned, grown, and begun to understand so much about myself from counseling. It is something I thoroughl...
Post a Comment
Read more

Here

Image
Here it is. Here's the long post you and I have been waiting for. So let's chat. Honestly, I've been absolutely terrible at posting on my blog. Part of the reason is because I'm an actual busy person, not a fake busy person, and another reason is probably because  sometimes it's just hard for me to do anything and especially to write and feel and post on my blog. So I'm sorry about that. Mostly for me though because I'm the one who needs it. Anyway, enough with the whatevers and on with the recap of my life this summer. School ended in April.  Looking back on the year, it was the hardest yet because I didn't take care of myself very well. I said yes to too many things and I wanted and needed too much from other people.   I made myself sick and burned myself out more than I probably ever have. I did two shows  that were extremely challenging for me because of the workload and the type of shows they were.  I took tons of classes and tons of credits, I pi...
Post a Comment
Read more

I know it's been a while

I know it's been a while but wow this summer's got me going crazy. I'll catch you up later but for now, I wrote this poem a week ago: {I don't know who's tugging on them-me or you-but you're pulling at my heartstrings so hard (again) that my entire chest cavity is vibrating, plucked by fingers that remember. Vibrating with resonance that awakens my soul and my sadness, moving my heart so deeply into my soul as to crush it under the pressure that weighs on my mind. You'd think that feeling should not feel so much like a punishment.}
Post a Comment
Read more

Lots of Thoughts (& I am content)

Hi. I'm kind of nervous writing today which is silly. Not that really many people or maybe any sees and reads these posts but nonetheless. I just, I feel very humble and vulnerable and grateful and content and like I could cry at any moment with happiness and gratitude.  So, I don't even know where to start here- it's been quite a while (sorry). Remember at the beginning of the year when I chose a new quote for 2017? Remember what that quote is? "There will be miracles" and boy, has there been miracles in my life (and it's only April). More miracles, in fact, that I think I've ever noticed! Maybe it's just because I've been actually looking for those because I've needed them and maybe it's because I've actually had more because I've needed them. Who knows. One of those miracles is my mama. Inspired by a dear friend who is bestest friends ever with her mama, I thought that I should confide in mine more. Boy, that has been a b...
Post a Comment
Read more

Moonlight

For you, Moonlight. Shine stillness upon me and blink three times to remind me if what I've forgotten. Do you see it? Are you watching my soul dance around the room? I think it's calling your name, but I can never remember. Do you see it? Help me find it and tell me you love me while wistfully humming the tune of our hearts and eyes and mouths, floating in and out of all the ways we communicate
Post a Comment
Read more

Crashing

Scarred. Do you see these? Or is it just me? I see them when I watch the fire burn in my eyes when I look into the mirror. Shattered and free. I am shattered and free. Look at me- I'm a bird. I am flying. I am leaving behind every thing that doesn't deserve my wings. And when I sing my song of freedom, glass and blood come out of my mouth. But I'll never stop. I'll never stop singing. "For I am happy" says the pile of blood and glass.
Post a Comment
Read more